Hi everyone,
I have been neglecting my blog because I've been having too much fun and enjoying almost every minute of my week off.
Back to chemo next friday then its the next Friday then a week off then 2 more Fridays and then FINITO!!!!!! Roll on chemo free forevers and a holiday in Queensland!! the last four doses are going to be the hardest psychologically so I need to stay focused!!! I feel like saying NO MORE.
I have been feeling very well apart from a day of gut wrenching abdo pain caused by the side effects of my new anti nausea drugs (the ones I've been raving about!!! Oh well. I survived but it was a bit grim at the time.) I'll just have to be even more careful next time.
I have been cooking, walking, catching up with friends, reading books, watching the West Wing and generally enjoying every day. My kids start holidays next Friday and unfortunately this coincides with my next 2 chemo's. I'm sure they will still enjoy having a break from school and being able to chill out for awhile even if mum is not quite up to racing around.
I hope you are all surviving winter and having a nice time. I'd love to get some feedback on ideas for what you think I should do with myself when my treatment finishes.
So farI am thinking:
Write my life story for my kids
just write something and see what it turns out to be
Make a bird bath out of pottery
Join a drama group
find a life purpose (if anyone has one please let me know what it is!! Maybe I could pinch it!)
Any ideas most appreciated.
Off to lunch...... catch up soon.
Love
Pauline
xxxxx
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Monday, 11 June 2007
Quick update
Hello everyone,
Survived my 4 Th chemo ..... much much better this time thanks to a new drug ......... no vomiting at all!!! I wonder where that has been hiding all my life. Still nausea but much more manageable.
Had hot chips one night and curry the next so it really is a miracle drug!!!
Makes the next few chemo's much more approachable.
My kids have been having a beautiful long weekend at Koroit and Port Fairy attending my gorgeous Uncle Jimmy Scott's 80th birthday afternoon tea party. By all accounts it has been a lovely experience. Its nice to see Bridget and Danny meeting cousins and relatives at a celebration other than a wedding or a funeral. Not that I've got anything against weddings or funerals!
I'm busy day dreaming about our holiday and have managed to watch about 10 episodes of the West Wing this weekend without Bridget or Danny around and Greg happily pottering around and looking after my every wish!!. Nothing like taking your mind off the nausea and the fact that St Kilda have also relapsed!!! Big time. Its looks like we're both back at the drawing board but at least they get draft picks next year if they continue to LOSE all the time!!!
Oh well I get a fantastic holiday with my family and a really enormous reminder/ wakeup call about the importance of enjoying today!!!
Love to you all.
Thanks for your love and support.
Pauline
xxx
Survived my 4 Th chemo ..... much much better this time thanks to a new drug ......... no vomiting at all!!! I wonder where that has been hiding all my life. Still nausea but much more manageable.
Had hot chips one night and curry the next so it really is a miracle drug!!!
Makes the next few chemo's much more approachable.
My kids have been having a beautiful long weekend at Koroit and Port Fairy attending my gorgeous Uncle Jimmy Scott's 80th birthday afternoon tea party. By all accounts it has been a lovely experience. Its nice to see Bridget and Danny meeting cousins and relatives at a celebration other than a wedding or a funeral. Not that I've got anything against weddings or funerals!
I'm busy day dreaming about our holiday and have managed to watch about 10 episodes of the West Wing this weekend without Bridget or Danny around and Greg happily pottering around and looking after my every wish!!. Nothing like taking your mind off the nausea and the fact that St Kilda have also relapsed!!! Big time. Its looks like we're both back at the drawing board but at least they get draft picks next year if they continue to LOSE all the time!!!
Oh well I get a fantastic holiday with my family and a really enormous reminder/ wakeup call about the importance of enjoying today!!!
Love to you all.
Thanks for your love and support.
Pauline
xxx
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
Good news
Hi everyone,
Just a quick update to let you know that my doctor feels the CAT scan has shown a "major response so far" which is great news.
Of course secretly I was hoping he would say "its all gone ... no more chemo needed" but alas that is not the case. So its back for the next half of my chemo cycles starting this Friday. He did say I will need the full 6 cycles which means 6 more doses ....... starting this Friday. He did say he was very pleased and that it was a very good response.
I'm sure by this Friday I'll have my head ready for the next onslaught but at this stage I just want to enjoy my last day of freedom tomorrow by walking the kids to school, walking the dogs, having a blood test which I forgot to do today and then escaping to the movies to see "History Boys", back for afternoon pick up, back for Danny's music lesson and then out for tea with the women of Kelvin Rd, (my street). I'm going to need a weekend in bed with my bucket to recover!!!
So good news but lots of work ahead ..... at least I'm heading very definitely in the right direction.
Regards
Pauline
Just a quick update to let you know that my doctor feels the CAT scan has shown a "major response so far" which is great news.
Of course secretly I was hoping he would say "its all gone ... no more chemo needed" but alas that is not the case. So its back for the next half of my chemo cycles starting this Friday. He did say I will need the full 6 cycles which means 6 more doses ....... starting this Friday. He did say he was very pleased and that it was a very good response.
I'm sure by this Friday I'll have my head ready for the next onslaught but at this stage I just want to enjoy my last day of freedom tomorrow by walking the kids to school, walking the dogs, having a blood test which I forgot to do today and then escaping to the movies to see "History Boys", back for afternoon pick up, back for Danny's music lesson and then out for tea with the women of Kelvin Rd, (my street). I'm going to need a weekend in bed with my bucket to recover!!!
So good news but lots of work ahead ..... at least I'm heading very definitely in the right direction.
Regards
Pauline
Saturday, 2 June 2007
Half way there!!!
Hi everyone,
I feel like I'm finally making progress .... hopefully I am now half way and looking at a home stretch or at least a dive into 3rd base ..... well maybe a crawl across the finish line but some how or other I know that finish post is getting nearer.
I have finished my 3rd cycle (misleadingly called 3rd because it was actually 6 doses ) and have just had my CAT scan to see how it is all going....... so keep those prayers, toes, fingers and positive vibes flowing this way please. I'll let you know when I know.
I have had a fantastic week off chemo ... my nausea lifted on Thursday and my taste buds even came back to life so I have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen . I don't know if its actually edible but I like it!!!. Just as well because no body else will even taste it. Danny had a complete melt down for not knowing he would HATE my home made Kai Si Ming (sounds weird but its just mince meat, cabbage, curry paste and chicken noodle soup ....... the Scott clan used to love it!!), and Bridget is at a sleep over but if she was home would have turned her nose up and complained of child abuse.
I had my very old friends Rosa and Hugh over for lunch on Thursday and surprised them with a full on roast and pudding. It was pretty hit and miss but they said they loved it. The best thing was having a chance to listen to my very wise 80 year old friend who has had a life of great joy but also lots of really tough times .....although you would never know it because she never moans and groans and was still working as a hands on nurse/ carer well into her 60's. She lost her father in the war and her mum died of cancer at 53.
We had a good talk about what it meant to lose a mum. What I took away from the conversation was that no matter how long we are on this planet ..... and none of us really know for sure...... my kids will always know that I love them as much as I possibly can and hopefully will never doubt that fact no matter how long I live or they live. Prior to getting cancer I didn't really pay much attention to this ....I just took it for granted. I don't any more.
Most of my grief and loss associated with having cancer is about the kids .....but as I go though this journey I realise that the old saying "kids are resilient" is actually true. The real grief is accepting that my children will be OK without me ....... whenever that time comes. Hopefully in a long time. That doesn't mean they won't miss me, and will be greatly affected but the gift I can give them is to be able to love themselves and others and to be able to live as the beautiful kids they are and the wonderful adults I know they will be. Greg and I are proud of Bridget and Danny and I hope they will be loving human beings always.
Having said that it doesn't mean that I don't intend to be around to see them grow up and graduate from primary school and go off to High School and be there for all the important milestones .... its just I know now that each day is a milestone and now is what really matters not getting hung up about things I can't control ....... so I had may as well get over the future and get on with today. I also know that its not always easy being positive but ultimately its the only way to get through the mirky waters of living with cancer.
Other highlights of this week have been .......sneaking off to a fantastic movie (thanks Julie and Julie for the recommendation) "As it is in Heaven"... if you ever get the chance to see it do yourself a favor!, walking all around Alphington parks with the doggies and last Sunday me and the kids saw an owl and what we think was a platypus!!! It was probably a water rat but we are sticking with the platypus story, I was able to go walking with my girlfriends at 7 am this morning for an hour up and down Ivanhoe hills and watched Danny play basketball. I've finished a gory crime novel and have nearly finished "Holy Cow" about travels in India (a great reminder about why I won't be visiting India in the near future!)
I've got a few more days before it all starts again .
I hope you are all well ... let me know how your going and thanks to everyone for all your love and support. If anyone wants a bowl of Kai Si Ming you know where to come.
Regards
Pauline
I feel like I'm finally making progress .... hopefully I am now half way and looking at a home stretch or at least a dive into 3rd base ..... well maybe a crawl across the finish line but some how or other I know that finish post is getting nearer.
I have finished my 3rd cycle (misleadingly called 3rd because it was actually 6 doses ) and have just had my CAT scan to see how it is all going....... so keep those prayers, toes, fingers and positive vibes flowing this way please. I'll let you know when I know.
I have had a fantastic week off chemo ... my nausea lifted on Thursday and my taste buds even came back to life so I have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen . I don't know if its actually edible but I like it!!!. Just as well because no body else will even taste it. Danny had a complete melt down for not knowing he would HATE my home made Kai Si Ming (sounds weird but its just mince meat, cabbage, curry paste and chicken noodle soup ....... the Scott clan used to love it!!), and Bridget is at a sleep over but if she was home would have turned her nose up and complained of child abuse.
I had my very old friends Rosa and Hugh over for lunch on Thursday and surprised them with a full on roast and pudding. It was pretty hit and miss but they said they loved it. The best thing was having a chance to listen to my very wise 80 year old friend who has had a life of great joy but also lots of really tough times .....although you would never know it because she never moans and groans and was still working as a hands on nurse/ carer well into her 60's. She lost her father in the war and her mum died of cancer at 53.
We had a good talk about what it meant to lose a mum. What I took away from the conversation was that no matter how long we are on this planet ..... and none of us really know for sure...... my kids will always know that I love them as much as I possibly can and hopefully will never doubt that fact no matter how long I live or they live. Prior to getting cancer I didn't really pay much attention to this ....I just took it for granted. I don't any more.
Most of my grief and loss associated with having cancer is about the kids .....but as I go though this journey I realise that the old saying "kids are resilient" is actually true. The real grief is accepting that my children will be OK without me ....... whenever that time comes. Hopefully in a long time. That doesn't mean they won't miss me, and will be greatly affected but the gift I can give them is to be able to love themselves and others and to be able to live as the beautiful kids they are and the wonderful adults I know they will be. Greg and I are proud of Bridget and Danny and I hope they will be loving human beings always.
Having said that it doesn't mean that I don't intend to be around to see them grow up and graduate from primary school and go off to High School and be there for all the important milestones .... its just I know now that each day is a milestone and now is what really matters not getting hung up about things I can't control ....... so I had may as well get over the future and get on with today. I also know that its not always easy being positive but ultimately its the only way to get through the mirky waters of living with cancer.
Other highlights of this week have been .......sneaking off to a fantastic movie (thanks Julie and Julie for the recommendation) "As it is in Heaven"... if you ever get the chance to see it do yourself a favor!, walking all around Alphington parks with the doggies and last Sunday me and the kids saw an owl and what we think was a platypus!!! It was probably a water rat but we are sticking with the platypus story, I was able to go walking with my girlfriends at 7 am this morning for an hour up and down Ivanhoe hills and watched Danny play basketball. I've finished a gory crime novel and have nearly finished "Holy Cow" about travels in India (a great reminder about why I won't be visiting India in the near future!)
I've got a few more days before it all starts again .
I hope you are all well ... let me know how your going and thanks to everyone for all your love and support. If anyone wants a bowl of Kai Si Ming you know where to come.
Regards
Pauline
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