Hi everybody, thank you all for the food, the flowers, the soups, the doggie walks, the messages of support and your kindness. I've been in a Panadeine Forte induced haaaaaze today. It’s hard not knowing how long this process will go on for, and feeling that I have little control over things, but I do genuinely feel at peace and have come to terms with the way things are.
Of course I would love to be around to see Bridget and Danny grow into the wonderful adults that I know they will be one day; to be at their Birthdays, their graduations, their weddings, and to go through all their trials and tribulations with them, but I know that I can't. Greg and I have spoken to them and while they are of course upset and will miss their mummy, I have told them that I will be with them in their hearts forever. One great consolation for me is that Greg is one of the best dads you could ever have, and is dearly loved by Bridge and Danny.
I am feeling quite exhausted, and uncomfortable these days, and don't have much energy for anything. While I would dearly love to see you all again please forgive me if I can't, or time does not permit. I am enjoying spending some quiet time with Greg Danny and Bridget. However, please send email messages, blog comments, letters or cards as I would love to hear from you.
A special request.
I have heard that children love to hear and read stories about their parents who have died, or things that happened when they were kids, and crave any information they can get, so I am collecting what I can for them. If any of you can assist by writing about your memories of me or the kids (however short) I would love to collect them and save them for Bridget and Danny. Anything at all: how you met me, something funny or noteworthy that I did, or that they did, any stories about their births, or anything else at all would be treasured. Again, it doesn't have to be long, (mind you I am expecting and epic from Aunty Rose).
Bye for now
Love you all
Pauline
12 comments:
Dear Pauline:
Our respective paths have lead us to very different places since we were at FSU. You may have heard - I am now a full-time theology student and a candidate to the ordained ministry of the Uniting Church.
I remember your genuine compassion and concern when you were my team leader and I was going through the ugly business of a relationship breakdown. You were full of warmth and gentleness and this enabled me to get on with the job despite my situation - your children should understand the qualities of care you displayed toward me on this occassion, and which you displayed to many others over many years.
The Lord of All Things be with you and your family. Prayers and love,
Brendan Byrne
Dear Pauline
I have such great memories of going to the footy with you and Andrew, over so many years, during good times for the Saints and not so good times (mostly the latter.) Your passion and determination lead us to some unexpected places, including at the end of Danny Frawley's emotionally-charged last game. You somehow managed to get the 3 of us into "the rooms" after the match, so that we could be part of the tributes to the retiring Frawley from his team mates and Stan Alves. Not surprisingly, we decided we should accept Stan's invitation for Danny Frawley's closest friends to kick on at the Red Eaggle Hotel in South Melbourne (the staff seemed bemused when we explained there was meant to be table "for three" for us along with players and cheer squads' seating.
You were the best person to share the excitement, and then commiserate with, when St Kilda almost won the Flag in 1997.
I will be thinking of you and Greg and Bridget and Danny tonight when the Boys run out at the Dome.
With love from us all, Lachlan.
Hi Pauline
Thanks for the opportunity to say hello. We enjoyed catching up with you & Greg and Danny and Bridget (and your balcony) at Easter very much.
I said then I'd let you know about water colour painting with June the fabulous 90 year old teacher - "I can't see much but you're doing well" - but of course now your illness has overtaken us.
Over the years I guess we've conducted a pretty casual friendship - so I thought now was the time to put it on the formal record, that I've always really admired your style - from your early days of chairing huge difficult meetings right through to now, helping us all know how we can help - via your beautiful post I'm responding to.
I'll certainly write up something about you & your style for Danny & Bridget and send on.
In the meantime hope you are not too uncomfortable lots of love Judy and John
Dearest Pauline
Alas, it was not that long ago... I think we met at Yarralea Kinder. I remember Dan and Lucinda were good mates!
Do you remember that?
In the days when our boys and girls did not seem to have a thing about gender and the word or rather sound "yeww" did not have a context yet.
And even so, we have known each other for the greatest proportion of our children's lifetimes!
I recall the first intimation of our friendship in the three-year-old room at Yarralea Kinder. Either you or Greg dropping off Dan with a lunch box of goodies and how we'd both share reassuring smiles as our children screamed and cried from the anxiety of separation.
I wonder now, how did we survive that? I still feel those conflicting emotions ...
Pauline,I know I was drawn to you because of your inner strength and your outer confidence.
After your first treatment - I think Dan and Lucinda might have been starting prep then - I still did not know you well and I was intrigued to get to know more about you - you were a woman with an aura of resilience.
I remember you having to change work routine, from full time to part time and voicing your keen sense of displacement. I know that was a difficult time. I remember the stylish wig too (I know you said you hated it) and I remember your trademark red lippy. I remember how fabulous you looked ( I know you said you didn't feel that).
I did not appreciate back then how the odds were stacked. You got better and you got on with life, your loving family, the day-to-day routine and the week-to-week work and life balance.
I wish I had been more engaged with the school when you took on the role as coordinator of the Parent's committee. It would've been my fantastic opportunity to work with you and I - being selfish here - regret that I missed out.
I'm not really sure how we developed a closer friendship over the past 2-3 years.
I think it started with our 'now grade 6 girls'. Their small friendships started to merge and grow into broader friendships and birthdays became bigger and better sleep over opportunities and parents we knew of started becoming parents we got to know.
That ...and maybe discovering things like friends we have in common... places we both love... food we both enjoy... books ... films...even dreams we both love to analyse...
It's nearly midnight now...there is more to share and what feels like chapter 2 will have to be another entry.
sweet dreams
elena
x
Hi Pauline, Greg, Bridget and Danny -
It is with tears in my eyes that I write to you at this time....Sorry for being so self-indulgent but that's how I feel :-((
It sounds like you are very comfortable (on all levels)Pauline and I am so pleased for you. I tried to think of a story to share with Bridget and Danny but all I could recall was a school camping trip and excessive alcohol consumption.....something about a suspension??? Haha. It is probably not an appropriate story to share with your darling mature and responsible children tho. Maybe I'll keep that memory to myself ;-)
Take care of yourself and each other.
We are both thinking of you - much love from Von & Peter
Dearest Pauline
I know you're weak and feeling exhausted and becoming less agile every day.
I know you seem at peace with the course this illness is now taking.
I am sad as many of us are.
I also have some very treasured memories that you’ve given our family around food. I know you will think I’ve got it wrong however you have got as much flair as any of us in this department! We managed to have one big social dinner at our place and for that I am grateful.
I know you love food ... taste, texture, colour, nourishment and most importantly the whole revelatory experience of various people around a big table at home or a picnic rug outside or a park table or at the Bowling Club or even a stretch of our very own Magic Beach sand…
I know you won’t believe me so let me share a few food related memories …
Remember our first Barn Holiday with you at Bear Gully and you made that most fabulous ‘soup’ style mashed potato! Since then every time mash is on the menu, call that weekly at our house, Jack and Lucinda inevitably demand ‘are you going to make it like Pauline makes it?’ What can I say other than honestly ‘no’ I don’t know how or what Pauline did but it was a kiddie sensation!
Then there was an almost daily treat of freshly squeezed juices … for me this was a ‘call to action’ and I acquired a juicer to treat us all to fresh juice occasionally…my only lament is taking the time to do this more often.
Oh and let’s not forget the dark 80% cocoa quality Lindt chocolate. I don’t recall specific number of chocolate bars that escaped out of Pauline’s green bag into the pantry for the week away but I do recall it was Pauline’s nightly ritual to grab a bar and share it around as we sat in front of the fire in January (yes it was cold) and caught up on our ‘holiday magazine’ reading.
Then there was the beautiful lunch of silken tofu we enjoyed at your home. Just super perfect texture, warmed through with a splash of something tasty (soy/teriyaki) drenching it (how did you make that?), a simple green rocket salad and a crusty rye bread roll. The Darebin Parklands sunshine and all the knowledge you shared about the mating owls, the spiritual healing track, the ‘secret places for reading and dreaming’ near the creek …it is impossible to replicate the total experience. That sunny day lives on whenever I drive by, think or visit the Parklands.
Most recently at out hot summer holiday at the Magic beach it was that fantastic chickpea, couscous and spinach/rocket leaf salad that you simply tossed to us starving beachcombers. With the accompanying bread and hummus was simple perfection. John Lethlean’s epicure review would’ve given it a perfect 20! Don’t just take my word …ask anyone of those other people who enjoyed it!
I have tried a few times to repeat my own version ...alas, the context is all wrong…it’s gotta be at a hot summer day on a snippet of Magic Beach with a crowd of hungry adults and kids, with my head in a good book along the lines of Atonement, with crystal clear waters lapping gently close by and the eternal solitude of a very blue wide sky overhead.
Then our evening meal at Paladyrr …ok I know you personally did not make it but the bigger picture was the recommendation. I think we had the Larb Thauhoo Hedt (mushroom and tofu salad) to refresh memory …A fabulous spicy tofu and mushroom mix tossed with coriander, spring onion, mint, chilli, lemon juice, fish sauce and ground parched rice. Super taste sensation… it will be something I order again.
Oh and have I mentioned the ‘cake stall’ at the Fete. There is something about your involvement year in year out that makes Pauline Scott synonymous with the APS Fete cake stall. It could be the travelling ‘saleswoman’ take it or miss out pitch. Whatever it is …you’ve made sure everyone has taken home and enjoyed a cake or three and the bottom line well and truly ‘looked big’ at the end of the tally.
As for the memories that are not food related …again it’s after midnight …
§ more Bear Gully Barn memories and our big walk with my slightly broken foot toward the Cape Otway lighthouse – fresh air and great exercise
§ our very own close encounter with a snake and a dead rat…I know I laughed when you ran away…you left me with the dead rat and the snake remember
§ the killer scrabble games where I was well and truly annihilated …you have a sharp intellect and a way with words and I am truly truly jealous of you …miss smarty pants
§ all the kids indulging in Bridget Jones’ Diary and those big white undies or the tragedy of that poor sinking Titanic ship over and over …how many drowning can Leonardo endure?
§ our APS community events – the fun filled fetes, the school ball in Preston and you looking so glamorously Helen Mirren (I know you think she’s pretty stylish … she is and you are)
§ the kids birthday parties and sleepovers …why oh why don’t I remember all the details? I have to think long and hard to remember melting ice-cream cakes and stuffed lolly bags and ‘kids will you p-l-e-a-s-e go to sleep’ or I will have to call parents!
§ ‘bumping into each other to or from school …that stretch of Yarralea street is just a perfect way to start the day!
§ your recent bike riding and near accident with a mad driver …whatever happened about that…did she get a fine?
§ conversations and your ever willing ear Pauline … your endless capacity for empathy and concern about many many things in my life must be genetic and the result of fantastic role models in your own parents … how I admire your capacity for active listening to my tales of woe…that never ending pursuit for the right job, the seesaw of work/life balance, better health, happier kids, better parenting, more loving relationships …you are a saint!
On that note …let me tell you Lucinda is doing a presentation as part of her homework this week and it is about Acrostics: poems that do not rhyme but use the first letter to form a word that relates to the subject. Here’s the example:
P atient and kind
A lluring
U nderstanding
L loving and lovely
I nspiring
N urturing
E nchanting and elegant
Pauline, I hope you’ve enjoyed the pics of Magic Beach and Bella’s birthday.
The warmth of your friendship has kissed our lives …
sweet dreams
e
x
Dear Pauline
I am going to miss those occasional chats we use to have on route to school.
I have always admired you relaxed, positive and respectful manner, especially evident when you were the President of the APS Parent’s Association.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
With love
Lindy Bufardeci
X
Hi Pauline,
It has been quite a while since we last caught up at Jimmy Watsons for our High School reunion. It was great to see everyone that night and to recall all those things that happened way back in the '70s.
I remember thinking how well you looked and how terrific your hair was short. I guess we have all changed somewhat since 1978!
I am so sad to learn that you are not well again. It is an incredible burden to bear and one that causes us all to sit up and take notice of everyone in our lives.
I just wanted to share a couple of memories I have of you during our time at EHS that stand out in my mind.
I recall that in 1977 (I think that was the year) a group of girls from Ave Maria came to finish their final years of schooling at Essendon High. The nuns could do no more with them and decided the heathens down the road should try and make something of them! Those girls came with great courage, determination, fortitude and above all tenacity. They slotted into a school where friendship groups had been formed many years before, and created new sets of friends for themselves. Pauline, you headed straight for John and Greg, and of course, now we know why!!! I think it is to your credit and an indication of your strength, courage and personality that you were able to create new friendships so quickly.
I also recall a 1978 party in your front yard at St Kinnord Street. It was a great party and was noteworthy because John did something ridiculous (I just can't recall exactly what it was) and Steve Bartlett gate crashed after he had already left school! I think your sister Rose was in charge and came to the back door to tell us all to be quiet once, but then wasn't seen again! Having a Year 12 was particularly brave because you were never sure how it was going to end up. The police didn't come, so that was a great achievement. Unlike our last day of school down by the Maribyrnong where the police did come!
Anyway Pauline, my thoughts are with you, Greg and your children. Thank you for giving me great memories and I wish you love and courage.
Jenny McWilliams
My dear friend Pauline,
I've been mulling over all the things I want to say to you about our friendship these last few years..some I feel grateful to have been able to share with you during our chats.
I think what stays with me the most is how much you have taught me to live life now and make time for the stuff that matters...that life is a gift and no one knows whats around the corner...so make the most of today.
And...as your wise owl counselled you about all the other crappy stuff: Let it Go.....(said with accent)
I'll keep trying.
I'm not sure who I'll share my "raising boys" moments with now. We have solved so many little problems over the years between us!
Ironically I have your illness to thank for our more recent times as friends.. because before you got sick I mostly saw you wizz off to a bossy job in a snappy suit with Bridget and Danny well organised. I was in awe of you. (and still are)Truly.
I am trying to recall early memories of you with Danny and Bridget..
I have only one very clear memory of a cute little Bridget just after you had moved into Kelvin Rd...chatting to me in the drive way with her big brown eyes. I asked her how old she was and she told me she was "2 fingers" old.
And having Alice as her buddy and me having to provide 2 cupcakes and morning tea treats as Bridget derived a habit for eating Alice's!
Then we matched fat tummys with our boy pregnancies and nearly had a snap Birthday... Dan was such a brilliant sleeper, feeder , all round great baby I almost avoided seeing you to make the inevitable comparisons...it was the sleep thing!!
AND that amazing Greg always got my vote for sending you to a posh city hotel for a good nights sleep on your Birthday when Dan was only 5 months old.
The next few years is a (sleep deprived) blur but standing out amidst the haze of our ordinary suburban days is the precious weekly vision of Danny EVERY MONDAY MORNING parked out at the front gate in his PJ's, sitting on a large chair waiting for the rubbish truck to come down the street."Danny's out..yep it must be Monday"
What a lad.
And who can forget his affinity with a bit of dosh?
I recall a couple of early unauthorised excursions all the way to the milk bar with some newly found coins..and even more clearly can I remember him( and Walt) lamely attempting to hide behind a slim bush with the loot being speedily gobbled up and got rid of...
And Danny's eyes popping out when I gave him the remains of our Thai Baht and Balinese rupee notes (many noughts and big numbers)...and he came knocking a short while later asking if i had some more. Ahh bless him...I bet he's a hot Monopoly player..cos he sure can play 500 like a pro.
What else.. the (dreaded) Halloween nights cruising the streets in broad daylight while the kids filled their bags with lollies and got more and more crazy..
Walking those doggies around the parks and streets of Alphington and Ivanhoe.
Enjoying teasing you by dropping the word "snake" occasionally just to watch you scream and jump.
The deep and meaningfuls...chewing the fat on the big questions...
Our (semi) regular pho soups up at Preston or soba noodle salads at Gertrude Organic.
And that secret creek spot which will forever be my place of remembering my dear friend....
Be at peace my lovely.
You deserve it so very much
xxx
Dearest Pauline
I was truly lucky to spend some time with you this afternoon -thank you!
It was a pleasure to share the small details around the week - I know being house bound is difficult no matter how sick you feel. The ordinary everyday is such a little thing to share and stay connected.
So many wonderful supportive friends and - for all of you out there in blog land - I really enjoyed reading all of the journal entries from this section to Pauline - thank you Louise and Anna for this wonderful suggestion!
Pauline truly loved having these read to her and loved hearing from all the special people who've been a part of her life - thank you!
It was so lovely to see Pauline smile and laugh and take herself out of the space she now occupies and relive all these wonderful special memories ...
we were at the footy, she was being chatted up by 'Maddog' much to her disgust, at Jimmy Watsons enjoying a drink or two and when Greg joined us ...perfect timing Greg... we were at her year 12 party!
Most recently we were at the beach reliving a perfect summer and at Easter watching a full moon rising over a beautiful sea. Thanks Anna for reliving life as young mums with littlies...all beautiful memories!
Pauline really appreciated all the thoughts and well wishes - she is so miraculous finding the energy and Greg, a great patient, loving and kind person!
e
x
Dearest Pauline
Today I woke up early.
Outside was the most beautiful clear acqua blue sky.
Smeared delicately across this sky were two streaks of the most gorgeous pink.
The colours were spectacular.
All I could think of was you and your smile.
I wondered about today and I wondered about its 'meaning' and I was compelled to call in. Alas, I missed a last farewell.
No matter, my dearest lovely friend, I know you'd have enjoyed this discussion and I will catch you one day soon in a quiet place.
peace and sweet dreams always
e
x
From Heather,Eric,Wil and Lachlan.
DearPauline,
It is with much sadness that I write this after hearing from Greg that
you are so unwell now.I'm glad to hear you feel at peace and have the
support of your family, friends and neighbours to give you time with
Greg, Bridget and Danny. I'm so grateful to you both for thinking of us
and allowing me the chance to talk you again.
I have been thinking about our friendship from its beginnings in a pub
in Perth and how you have a special place in my heart as someone I have
admired for so many reasons,your ability to listen,show genuine
interest in people and know just the right words to say;Your sense of
humor,your strength of character. How proud and inspired I was when
attending those ANF meetings and there you were my friend Pauline the
President!so articulate and determined to stand strong for what you
believed in.
I remember how you invited me to your family home for Christmas way
back in my first year of nursing, a country girl away from home and how
warm and welcoming and funny all your family were amongst the arguments
and tension of the food preparation. There was much vying for head chef
status, except your beautiful,calm Mum, just so obviously proud and
loving having you all there with her and your Dad trying to escape the
conflict behind his newspaper.
I loved the trip to Koroit to meet your country cousins and explore
your Irish origins and going to that fantastic old Pub- Micky Bourkes?
For Bridget and Danny, a funny story, of when you were keen to start an
organic vegie garden and we ventured off on a warm, sunny day to your
Uncles poultry farm for some bags of chicken manure, we then stopped in
Berwick for lunch with our friend Bronny. Some hours later we had to
drive back home in your very hot, smelly Ford station wagon - a trip
not to be forgotten!!
For Greg, (does he know this Pauline??) How before you were a couple
you tried to match me up with him on a blind date, the day after he had
his wisdom teeth removed, he was swollen and miserable and it didn't
quite happen. But how he too has my love and admiration as a friend
.I also remember you both taking me out after my finals exams and
getting me very drunk and then dealing with the consequences, as only good friends can.
Remember the weekend we had with you at Venus Bay, when the Snake
slithered between us sitting on the balcony and made us move
spectacularly fast and later we found out it was a non poisonous tree
snake. Although we haven't always seen a lot of each other over the
years it is always so easy to pick up again and I feel so privileged to
be your friend.
I will be in touch with Bronwyn and Leah.
Love to you all,
Heather,Eric,Wil and Lachlan.
xxxxx
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